Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
