my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
