I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she told me i tasted like america
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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