Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
