Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need help removing her.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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