remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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