She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
