We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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