Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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