If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
false alarm. still invincible.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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