if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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