Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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