i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
