I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
