the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
