im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
