It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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