she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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