new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
