FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
