Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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