i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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