I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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