I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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