Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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