nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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