that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
