I hope mine doesn't look like that
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
