i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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