I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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