uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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