I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
