When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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