He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
