My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
