I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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