How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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