also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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