I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
