I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
