she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
