i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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