just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
