Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
