Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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