can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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