I accidentally burped into my bong.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My feet surprised me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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