Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He? As in you personified your dick?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
