My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am one with the molecules
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
