East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
BRING THE BAGELS
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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