I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
