He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
