There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize