Buhtt sex?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
