Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
