Soap is not a condiment
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
