I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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