My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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