What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
