I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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