I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
