The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
