he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
