Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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