just tell him i said nine months
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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