Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
