She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
