i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
